Red vs Blue: Idiot Man
by Agent Texas
Summary: Ever wonder what Caboose thinks? What he sometimes HEARS? "Everybody else sees the glowing person... right?" Here's a quick look inside his stupidity ridden mind. I might write more. But episode three of Red vs Blue Reconstruction from Caboose's POV.


**Caboose's P.O.V. **

**Episode 3 Of Reconstruction**

Humming, humming, do do da.. La la….. Sigh, I'm bored! I think I'll think!… fail! I wonder where my best friend is. I hope he's still not mad about me spilling that brown stuff on him. I think he called it, coffaaa… no… caffee? Hummm….. I bet I'm wrong. I'll go and ask him!

My legs move onward, but I cannot move. I wonder why. "Jo-annis!" I like that girl, she is pretty. The shouting continues as I try to shake the thing around me. It is very long, very tight and looks like a snake. Oh no! I snake! Snakes are bad! Church told me because I brought one home one day and it got in Tucker's bed. Church yelled at me. Stupid snake!

The girl walks over to me with a sigh and mutters something about Jones, or maybe bones… I don't like bones, they are evil! The snake is off me and I wonder if he meant he was going to turn me to bones…. "It's bones." he mutters, I fire at him and he falls to the ground.

"Now, is this anytime to be taking a nap!" He groaned, the bullet to his head must have made him sleepy.

"Fuck…. You…" My stupid finger bumped the trigger, it hit him. "Ow-how how! Why!"

"Be careful!" I growled like Church had taught me to before heading out to where a guy that kind of looks like Tex is and… Principle Miller! "You wanted to see me, Principle Miller?" He turns to me.

"Where's the guy I sent to getcha?" The freelancer guy watches me.

"Oh, him, yeah, um-he let me out, then somehow shot himself in the back somehow. Uh, but we don't think it was anyone's fault. Everybody agrees it was an accident." Hmm… I wonder if I'm hungry.

"Jesus, would somebody go check on him?" There was a short quietness. I like bread. And hotdogs. "Hrgh, Caboose, this here is special Agent Washington from blue command. He has something fan-tastic he needs to talk to you about." Command? Oh no! Someone is dead! My Mommy?

"Command? Oh no. they never have good news. Did somebody die? Was it my Mom? Is she dead? Or my dad, did he die again? Oh no." This is horrible! How could this happen to me!

"What is this? I-I don't-" Washingtub starts, but I'm not even sure if I want to know!

"Is it my brother? Was my brother killed? That's it, isn't it? My brother is dead!" Tears stream down my face, I wonder if they taste like water….

"What? No, nothing like that." Yay! So it wasn't a brother that I didn't have!

"Oh, good. Because I don't even have a brother-how sad would it be to not have a brother, and lose a brother all in the same day?" Now, I didn't lose a brother that I didn't have!

"No one died!" The guy that scares me says. And if no one is dead, that means that everyone is alive! YAY! Which is really good!

"Jo-annis is dead, Sir." A guy says from behind me. It is nobodies fault.

"Okay, no one besides him." Washingtub says.

"Once again, nobody's fault. Pssst! I think the new guy did it!" My secret! Yay! I know it was him… how menacing of him!… wait, what does that mean?…. hmmm… oh well…. Yay!

"Private Caboose, you were station at Blood Gulch, correct?" Tub asks.

"Yeah… that was fun." It was so, FUN! My best friend, his gay robot girlfriend, stupid private Tucker, Sheila.

"Okay, well, I need you to come with me. I'm investigating a critical issue and, you seem to be the only person with the knowledge and experience necessary to help me…. And I just realized how ridiculous that sounded, once I said it out loud. Nonetheless, I need you to come with me." YAY! I hope their will be airplanes, cars and orange juice. I love orange juice.

"Can I have a word with him first, Sir?" Principle Miller asks.

"Sure, I guess." Tubbington says and Miller walks forward, me following him.

"Now Caboose, I know we didn't always get along."

"I got tied up!" I said loudly.

"Right. But all these mistakes, I know you're not at fault. You seem like a GOOD kid. You're just a little, confused." Yeah, that guy is.

"Yeah. He is."

"But I wanna give you a piece of advice: this guy seems like a tough customer. And, you're bound to get into some situations that maybe you're not prepared for." Like, a food fight.

"Right. Like a rodeo."

"Now, if that happens, if you find yourself in danger, or in a situation where you think something bad is going to happen to you. I want you to remember just one thing: NEVER, EVER, come back here." That seems pretty easy… can't you control going backwards?

"Okay."

"No, I need to KNOW, that you understand. I need to hear you say it."

"Don't ever go backwards." He is very stupid. I wonder why…

"Okay, I guess that's as close as we're gonna get. He's all yours!" The Tex guy named Washingtub steps closer then starts walking, I follow like a ducky.

"Great, lets get going."

"Okay." Hmmm… I wonder if we're there yet. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"

"Just try to stay quiet." I just follow him….. Now, I have to go pee…. And I'm thirsty, and hungry… I like cheese.

"I'm hungry. I'm thirsty. I have to go to the bathroom again." Wait, have I gone to the bathroom yet? I'm not sure…. Oh well!

**Fin.**

"**I'm hungry."**

"**You have got to be fucking kidding me."**


End file.
